Free Will and God’s Will

God gave us free will. But he also has a will for our lives.

How can we have free will if God already knows what’s going to happen?

How can we possibly have free will?

Good question.

I’ll attempt to answer it based on my view of who God is and what he does.

As far as I am concerned, God is name most give to the entity that created all we can possibly experience, namely the universe we are a part of.

I also call this creative force God.

God created everything, including human beings. This creation is akin to a father and mother creating a child.

And parents love to see their children learn to do things on their own. We love to see a child say “mama” or “dada” for the first time. When the child does this, he or she is creating their first words.

To see something that you created start the creative process itself is exhilarating.

Being the ultimate creator and parent, God had a desire to see his creations create, too. The best way to do that is to give those creations the ability to make whatever choice they want.

Studies have shown that when children are allowed to select the activities they wish to pursue, they pursue them with more enthusiasm and are more successful at them than if they are forced into activities they would not have chosen otherwise.

Granted, we do not always use this power to our advantage, nor do we always choose that which God knows is best for us.

Which brings us to God’s will.

God’s will is for everyone to act, speak and think out of love all the time. That’s the most important commandments in the Bible, love and honor God and love each other as yourself. All else flows form that.

The more we think, act and speak out of love, the closer we feel to God as well as each other.

However, God does not impose his will on us. If he did, this world would not be in the shape it’s in right now. God could just snap his fingers, and everyone would love one another and that would be an immediate end to all wars, hunger and homelessness.

But he won’t do that. God won’t make us love him.

You can’t do that here on Earth either. Try making someone love you. You can force them to do or say certain things. But you can’t make them have certain thoughts or feelings toward you.

I dare you to say this to someone: “I command you to have great feelings of love toward me.”

God doesn’t say this either.

No, God loves us so much that he allows us to choose whether to love him or not. Because he knows that when we choose to pursue the desires of our heart, we pursue them with great enthusiasm.

Free will is one of the greatest gifts God gave us. Without it, we would not be able to freely choose to come to him, which is his will.

The Average Song

Average Song, The

 

Sometimes I turn to the left

Sometimes to the right

Sometimes it’s bottled up

And other times I fight

 

Sometimes I wanna be in love

Sometimes I lose that thought

Sometimes I run wild

And other times I get caught

 

The law of averages says I’m average

So I guess that’s what I must be

An average Joe like me

 

Sometimes I’m a bad boy

And sometimes I’m so good

Sometimes we get along

Much much more than we should

 

Sometimes I’m silly too much

Sometimes proper as all

Sometimes I get run over

And other times I stand tall

 

The law of averages says I’m average

So I guess that’s what I must be

An average Joe like me

 

Sometimes I drive my car

Sometimes I just walk

Sometimes I get me moving

But mostly it’s just talk

 

One foot in the fire and one in a bucket of ice

On the average, I feel nice.

Oh so nice.

 

Baby…

The law of averages says I’m average

So I guess that’s what I must be

An average Joe like me (x2)

 

Paul J. Hoffman

1-22-1987

I’m Not Perfect

I find it so cool that God looks past our imperfections and love us unconditionally.

I’m Not Perfect

 

I yell and I scream

Sometimes I’m downright mean

I think bad thoughts

Way more often than I ought

I say some things

That hurt till they sting

I act so bad

It even makes my mama mad

But in your eyes, I know I’m alright

I have no idea why, but I’m alright

 

I’m not perfect

Yet you see me that way

I’m not perfect

I fall down each and every day

I’m not perfect

But somehow you see

My imperfections

Quite imperfectly

 

I get so selfish

It’s all about me

What matters to you

Sometimes I can’t see

And you’re the one

I should treat like a king

You’re the one

Who gave me everything

But in your eyes, I know I’m alright

I have no idea why, but I’m alright

 

Rose-colored glasses must prevent you to see

All those terrible things that I’m seeing in me

I’ve pulled the wool right over your eyes

Yet you see me as a perfect prize

A prize… in your eyes

I am … that prize!

 

I’m not perfect

Yet you see me that way

I’m not perfect

I fall down each and every day

I’m not perfect

But somehow you see

My imperfections

Quite imperfectly

 

By Paul J. Hoffman

12/4/2007

Good Ground

Good Ground

 

You must think I’m dirty, cause you called me good ground

Filthy hands and filthy feet, you knew the rest of me was clean

Or not too far gone

 

You planted you a seed, cause what you reap is what you sow

I don’t know if it will grow now, just the way you planned

It’s too early to know

 

It makes no sense to plant peas in the desert

And don’t tend tomatoes in the snow

No matter how hard you work, your crop won’t grow

No, your crop won’t grow

It makes no sense to put melon on the moon

You can’t raise compliance in a mule

No matter how hard you work, that’s the general rule

Yes, that’s the general rule

 

But get some good, good seed

And find some good, good ground

Pick your time and your place

And sow them very sound

Be very gentle when they’re young

Before the sprouts start to show

Keep predators at bay

That’s your love that they’ll know

Let the sun shine down

Let your crop come ’round

And that good, good ground

Will never let you down

No it won’t let you down

 

Feed them, love them

But know you just can’t own them

Raise them, reap them

You don’t know what you’re getting’

But you know it’s gonna be good

Yes, you know it’s gonna be good

 

I was looking for you man, when I really wasn’t seeking

You were looking for me too, it seems like all too long

What’s the meaning?

 

You prayed my heart ope’ up, and let the love pour in

So many messages I hear, if this crop goes and fails

Will you stand by me?

 

 

By Paul J. Hoffman

Jan. 28, 2005

 

Published in: on September 29, 2008 at 10:22 pm Leave a Comment
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Everything is Changin’ (Where Do I Fit In?)

I wrote this when a friend of mine was in the midst of giving up the rock n’ roll lifestyle that we’d sort of been living (me only on the nights I went to see his band)  I didn’t have any idea what this meant for me.

 

Everything is Changin’ (Where Do I Fit In?)

 

The woman I loved, well she don’t love me no more (x2)

Everything is changin’, where do I fit in?

Bottom of the bottle, it don’t comfort me no more (x2)

Everything is changin’, where do I fit in?

The postman don’t bring me letters, he brings me bills instead (x2)

Everything is changin’, where do I fit in?

 

Used to go down to the roadhouse, friend-boys three and me (x2)

Everything is changin’, where do I fit in?

Mama’s little babies, well they aren’t babies no more (x2)

Everything is changin’, where do I fit in?

Pleasures of the flesh, they don’t completely satisfy me (x2)

Everything is changin’, where do I fit in?

 

I’m puzzled by this puzzle, puzzled by this puzzle I’m in

The pieces they move about, they seem to shout

“We can’t fit you in!”

And when they finally stop, leave me a spot

Seems I’m the one who’s changin’

 

If it weren’t for your fire, I’d be 40 below

So, I don’t never mind where I’m going to go

There’s just one thing that I need to know

You are never changin’, with you I’ll always fit in

I said you are never changin’, with you I’ll always fit in

And if you are the way, c’mon and let me in

Lord I ask you please, can’t you fit me in?

By Paul Hoffman

9/11/2004

 

 

Dream – The Rest of Your Life Hasn’t Been Recorded Yet

Back in college, I had a dream that I was pulling a record album from it’s sleeve. It was the Doors’ first album.

I was not only the person taking the record form its sleeve, but I was also the album itself … the vinyl and label.

I sometimes had the perspective of the person looking at the record and sometimes the viewpoint of being the record itself and looking up at me, the person who was looking at the record. 

The A side of the record looked normal. All the grooves were there and the label had the listing of songs and the record company’s logo and everything.

When I turned the record over, the B side was completely blank. No grooves at all and nothing printed on the label … just smooth black vinyl.

 

I took that dream to mean that the A side of my life was already recorded and that was history. But I was in control of what would be recorded on the B side of my life. It really sparked a turnaround in my personality for the next few years. I became more proactive, and broke out of my shell. It took a long time, and I’m still working on aspects of that in my personality, but that dream was the inspiration to know that it was possible to change.

Dream – I am Judged Innocent

This is the dream I had the night of the first cell (small church) group I attended.

 

The dream had distinct “scenes.”

Scene I: I was with my best friend from high school, whom I have tried contacting a few times in the past few years but have not received word back. We were walking together down a city street toward a large, circular open area on a warm afternoon. It reminded me of the circle in downtown Indianapolis, except in the center, there was a huge, shallow pool. There was a street circling this area and on the sidewalk surrounding the pool, many tables were set up with people selling things, like a huge outdoor rummage sale.

My friend and I picked up several videotapes from one of the tables. I suppose we paid for them, I’m not sure. I was thinking most of them were movies of some sort. We got a whole big stack each and carried them one on top of another around the sidewalk. They stacks were wobbling but none fell.

As we walked around the sidewalk, there were some stairs that led into the pool. We both walked into the pool and allowed the stacks of videos to float on the water in front of us. Again, none fell, although the stacks wobbled.

Scene II: My friend and I entered a stadium-like building through an arched gate, one of many around the outside. This building was close to the pool area. Although we were no longer wet and didn’t have the videotapes anymore. The walls were smooth and painted an aqua or light blue. Shortly, we saw a co-worker. She usually wears glasses but did not have them on. She was leaning against the wall and another woman was standing maybe six feet in front of her, facing her.

Jill was making taunting gestures and snickering. From the looks of it, Betsy didn’t know she was being taunted. She couldn’t see it.

Then Jill placed a ketchup packet about two or three feet in front of Betsy and told her to get it. Without her glasses, she couldn’t see it and had to bend down to feel for it. Jill started laughing and stopped down to taunt Betsy some more, although I don’t remember specific words. I knew what was going on more by facial expressions and actions than by words.

While Betsy was on the ground searching for the ketchup packet, Jill ripped open several other ketchup packets and placed them at the knees of Betsy, so that Betsy knelt in them, getting ketchup all over her knees. I knew this was wrong and wanted to help. But I’m not sure if I did anything more than helping her up, perhaps helping to get the ketchup off her and giving Jill a stare of some sort.

During this whole time many people were passing by and glancing at what was going on, although nobody stopped.

Scene III: I had had enough of Jill’s taunting of Betsy, even though I am not very close to Betsy. I was back in the pool area, although this time there was a large open area that was where the pool had been. It was a like a huge public square. Hundreds of people were walking in many directions through the square. I was by myself. But as I started walking toward the other side, where the stadium-like building still stood, I saw my friend and three policemen walking toward me.

I thought “Great, my friend has told the police what happened and they will deal with Jill.” As I got about halfway across the square when I saw Jill. She was looking at me and had a nasty smirk on her face. I started to pass her and she reached out with both hands and pushed me, laughing. I was more determined than ever to talk to the police about Jill’s actions that afternoon.

When I got to the police and my friend, I said something like “I’m glad to see you.” And one of them asked if I was Paul Hoffman. I said yes and that officer immediately brought out handcuffs and slapped them around my wrists and telling me I was arrested.

I immediately woke up, trying to figure out why I had been arrested when all I was doing was trying to help someone. I also realized that my friend had handcuffs on, too.

I didn’t want to go back to sleep until I found an answer to this question. In a moment, I decided that Jill had gotten to the police first and lied to them, saying that I had harassed her in some way. I was angry with Jill, but in a few more moments, I figured out that when this matter came before a judge, there would be hundred of witnesses to what had happened and I would be exonerated.

Finally, at peace with the thought that everything would work out OK for me in the end, I went back to sleep peacefully.

How I Love/Loathe Ya

This little ditty could be titled “How I Loathe Ya” or “How I Love Ya.” Depends on your mood. It was quite a collaborative effort and has been called either. There is a bouncy little melody that goes with this (Oh, it is SO precious). Someday, I may include audio. It’s a song about how you can call people really silly names as sort of a way to vent, but you don’t mean any real harm toward them.

How I Love/Loathe Ya

 

You are …

An infected monkey butt hair with sour applesauce

From the first day that I found you I wish that you’d got lost

 

You are…

Rancid raccoon road kill splattered on my lawn

When you’re in my nightmares I am praying for the dawn

 

How I love ya (x3)

 

You are …

A quart of curdled milk stinking up my fridge

When I get a whiff of you I jump off of the bridge

 

I wish …

You had a porcupine deep inside your pants

It would really hurt when you do your dance

 

How I love ya (x3)

 

You are …

A wacked out piece of poo and a dippy doodle head

If I were a bad man, I’d wish that you were dead

 

You’ve got …

Tapeworms in your gut and chiggers on your scalp

When you hang around, I think that I may Ralph

 

How I love ya (x3)

 

You are …

Stinky slimy sewage in a port-o-pot

You make me want to hurl a phlegm ball full of snot

 

You are …

A sniveling little dillweed who clearly is insane

Every time you speak you show you’ve got no brain

 

I don’t wish you any real harm

Only so you know you lack all of the charm

I hope you become a man instead of staying such a boy

And to call you all these names brings me real joy

 

How I love ya (x6)

Not much

 

By Paul J. Hoffman and Kimberly S. Bush

7/20/2008

Deer Hunting with Dad

It was a winter tradition. Well OK, it was actually about a month before winter officially started. But in Wisconsin, the middle of November felt like winter back then.

There was often snow on the ground and freezing temperatures the weekend before Thanksgiving, as well as Thanksgiving weekend, the bookends of the Wisconsin white-tail deer season for firearms.

Every year since I could remember, I would watch my Dad pack his suitcase full of thermal underwear, wool socks and flannel shirts. He’d get out the waders and the blaze orange, quilted hunting coat with the deer tags affixed to the middle of the back.

He’d put a box of Tiparillos in the breast pocket of his shirt, even though I never saw him smoke until after I went on a deer hunting trip with him.

Dad would take the 12-guage out of the basement and make sure it was unloaded and the safety was on, telling my brothers and I never to point a gun at anyone ever, even if you knew it was unloaded and the safety was on.

Then, he’d load up whatever vehicle we happened to have at the time. My favorites were the forest green VW hatchback cause that’s the car we took when I went to go see my first Green Bay Packer game at Lambeau Field and the Mercury station wagon with fake wood cause it had FM.

After he left for someplace in central Wisconsin that was even colder than the Milwaukee suburb I grew up in, we’d spend the weekend with Mom waiting for Dad to call on Saturday and Sunday evening to tell us how his hunting party fared that day, how he just missed this big buck coming across the creek or how Joe, the group’s human bloodhound, had tracked a deer across a field (uphill both ways), under barbed wire, up a really tall fir tree and through the bog of eternal stench.

Well, after hearing the story, that’s what I imagined anyway.

Dad was good at providing all the images my little pea brain could handle.

I could almost sense the sights, sounds, smells of the hunt. Not to mention the sensation of having a frozen itchy trigger finger poised to pull when the sights lined up on a tasty hunk of venison.

Speaking of venison, when Dad came home after the season ended, we would have loads of venison to pack. We’d go to the basement and grind some up into burger, and placed it, stew meat and steak in freezer bags. The bags were then marked “some very juicy and tasty steak” or “a pound of fine deer burger” or whatever we could think of as we imagined the fine dishes our parents would concoct with the lean meat.

Then, they went into the basement freezer for safe keeping.

When I got old enough, I went along – the first time just to walk around. No firearm.

The next year, I went full force, complete with borrowed hip boots, borrowed 12-guage, borrowed blaze orange quilted coat and borrowed itchy trigger finger gloves with a flap to stick your finger out of. I had my own underwear, thank you very much.

I must admit that the whole hunting experience didn’t grip me nearly as much as it did my father or my younger brother. But, there are some very vivid memories that evoke pleasant memories of those trips I made lo so many years ago:

▪ Waking up at 4 a.m. after having played cards with my cousins until midnight. It’s amazing how little sleep you can operate on when you’re freezing half to death in a tree stand.

▪ Trying to gnaw on candy bars containing caramel in sub-freezing temperatures.

▪ Trying to get my shotgun around a small tree after waking a big buck up from his resting spot in the swamp of eternal peril while trying not to trip over fallen tree limbs and my own feet.

▪ Breaking through a layer of snow and ice while traversing the creek, hoping the water wouldn’t ride over the top of my hip boots.

▪ Watching a deer being dressed (remember, I was like a 12- or 13-year-old city kid at the time and had not been exposed to that part of it yet).

▪ Stopping in at Earl and Fern’s for a tasty bean soup lunch.

By the way, there are no restrooms in the wild.

Coach Book Chapter 2 – Elementary School Basketball

Coach Book- Chapter 2

“C’mon, Ronnie!’’ Dad shouted a little too enthusiastically from the top of the bleachers. “Watch his hips, not his eyes.’’

I learned the most about defense from dad, even if he was a little obnoxious about it. He knew if I looked into the other guy’s eyes, he’d look one way and go the other. And there I’d be with my jockstrap around my ankles and my tail between my legs watching my man score a bucket.

Never mind that most sixth-graders couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time, much less look where they were going when dribbling a basketball. Their eyes were always glued to that damn ball.

Bud Dad was my advantage. Roger Joseph Brinson, or Bert as all his buddies called him, had drilled me well. From the time I could remember, I had a basketball in my hands.

First, it was of those little red, rubber kinds that dad and I would roll back and forth on the living room carpet. Later, it was a light orange plastic sphere that didn’t bounce much, but you sure could throw it far.

That wasn’t good enough for me, though.

When I saw my brothers play for Madison Junior High, and later Westchester High School, I had to be like them. I didn’t have to bug dad long to get my first real basketball. In fact, I think Jim and Mike may have helped my cause — they were tired of me taking theirs.

That’s when basketball was the most fun. The four of us would stay out in the driveway until it got dark.

Dad would throw up set shots with one leg prodded forward, bent slightly. It didn’t look weird at the time, but it became weirder and weirder the older I got.

Jim and Mike were always trying fancy stuff to outdo each other. Jim, two years older than Mike, couldn’t stand the fact that Mike was as good as, or better, than he was. And Mike was always upset that Jim never gave him credit for working at the sport harder.

Jim made varsity as a junior, Mike did it as a freshman. Neither were all-state or anything like that, but to me they were. Being eight years younger than Mike, I guess I came along late enough that anything my older brothers did inspired awe.

I still remember the game against our big rival, Shappawana High, when Jim stole a pass with 10 seconds left to clinch a win for our Golden Eagles. He only scored three points in the game (I kept track of that stuff on a tiny notebook from the stands), and he said it was no big deal. But that steal was the most important play of the game. And, like I said, dad always stressed defense.

Mike had a few more big moments for Westchester. He scored 22 points against North Covington that gave us the conference title in 1952.

The next year, when he was a senior, we had one of our best teams ever. Westchester made it to the regional finals and Mike was the leading scorer. The official scorer said he finished with 499 points that year, but he screwed up a goaltending call in the second New Iberia game and he gave the damn basket to somebody else.

You can look it up. I’ve got the scorebook in the basement somewhere.

Dad used to yell at Jim and Mike, too. Back then, I just thought it was part of the game. Later, I found out it was just part of dad … and a few other folks around town.

I don’t really know how much it affected my brothers. I can only guess.

Jim used to act like it never bothered him, but he did weird stuff that made me think dad got to him sometimes.

He’s the one who started drinking in high school. He’s the one who tried marijuana. And he’s the one who always had to drive the Rambler as fast as it was humanly possible to drive a Rambler. Once, he even spun out on an icy night and hit a telephone pole.

Boy, was Dad pissed.

Mike, on the other hand, kind of took things in stride. I think he thought dad was really trying to offer constructive criticism every single time he opened his yap.

Mike always wanted to make dad happy. No request was ever too much. No demand was ever unreasonable.

Poor Mike. What a schmuck. But he turned out all right, I guess. In fact, both of them did OK.

So did my little sister Anna — “The Mistake’’ I liked to tease her. Mom and dad were done having kids when I showed up in 1945. Anna popped up two years later.

Hey, she had to be a mistake! Nobody ever heard of a girl being born in the Brinson family. Uncle Mark had three boys and Uncle Bob had two. Other than my aunts and my grandma, Anna was the only Brinson girl I knew.

She never faced the unrelenting advice dad gave us boys on basketball. Sometimes it seemed that’s all he ever talked about. He loved the game. Learned it from Pappy Wethington at old Norwalk U. in Massachusetts.

Dad wasn’t too bad in his day, from what I gather. But he didn’t do anything with the sport after college. There weren’t any pro leagues and the company teams didn’t pay as well as his engineering job. So Dad and basketball parted ways until he started having sons.

Boy, did his interest come back in a big way, too. He was always talking basketball. He didn’t talk much about points or rebounds or individual honors. But he always talked about Pappy’s defense.

Dad said they actually shut out some other team once, and he credited it all to Pappy’s defense. I think he was just BS-ing. But, when it came to my old man and basketball, it sometimes became difficult to tell truth from fiction.

You just tried to learn the lesson dad was teaching and you were fine. You screwed up and he yelled. You didn’t put forth the effort he thought you should be giving and he’d scream bloody murder, grab you by the shirt and stare into your eyes until they started watering. Your heart was pumping right in the middle of your throat and all you could think about was how much longer Dad was going to cuss.

But it’s not something that seemed all that unusual to us. Other Dads acted the same way with their kids. Some of our coaches were the same. It was just the way it was.

To my knowledge, Dad never hit any of us. But I wasn’t really aware of what was going on when Jim and Mike were kids. All I know is what he was like when I started playing. Officially, that was in sixth grade.

There were only four teams in the city for kids that age back then, one at each of the elementary schools — Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln. I went to Lincoln and the first time I put on that old, ugly brown jersey that was about two sizes too big for my skinny body and said “LINCOLN’’ on the front, I was the happiest kid in the world.

With nose in the air and chest puffed out, I used to tell other kids when I saw them at church: “I’m on the Lincoln Elementary School basketball team.’’

Always emphasized that word “basketball,’’ too.

They weren’t impressed. But I was. And so was Dad. And that’s about all that really mattered back then.